Talking to Loved Ones About End-of-Life: A Communication Guide

Families who have conversations about death experience less regret, better preparation, clearer understanding of wishes, less conflict, and greater peace.

Before You Talk: Prepare Yourself

Know Your Own Feelings

Understand your fears and beliefs about death before talking with loved ones.

Choose the Right Time

Not in crisis. When people are calm, rested, in private, with enough time.

Set the Right Tone

Make clear this is a conversation, not a lecture. Express care and desire to understand.

Opening the Conversation

Starters like: "I care about you and want to understand what matters most to you if you get sicker." "Can we talk about your wishes for your care?"

Key Topics to Cover

1. Values and Priorities

What makes life meaningful? What matters most? What would you be afraid of?

2. Medical Preferences

How do you feel about aggressive treatment? CPR? Feeding tubes? Life support?

3. Care Location

Where would you want to be cared for? Who do you want around you?

4. Pain and Comfort

Pain medication preferences? Alert vs. comfortable—which matters more?

5. Legacy and Meaning

What do you want people to remember? What advice would you leave?

6. Spiritual and Religious Wishes

What brings you peace and meaning?

Practical Documentation

After conversations, document wishes and consider: Advance Directive, Living Will, Healthcare Power of Attorney, POLST forms.

Final Thought

These conversations are gifts. They honor your relationship and their autonomy. Start where you are. Use words that feel right. Let love guide the conversation.